Big Brother (The Good Kind)

Dear Jeremy,

One of my clearest, early memories of you was the morning after I dislocated my elbow 'surfing' in the wagon. I was five (six?) and my arm was in a sling and I was coming down the stairs to turn on Saturday morning cartoons. You were downstairs already and you saw me coming and you jumped up and fluffed all the pillows on the couch and helped me get up and get comfortable. I remember being rather shocked, and feeling special, and realizing for the first time in my life that brothers are unspeakably awesome. 

And when I got cancer 20 years later you did the same thing on a much grander, adult scale. You invited me to your home and fixed up a room for me. You lifted me in and out of bed and got up with me in the middle of the night when I needed help. You stayed up late (so late!) talking through and analyzing things with me and making sure I knew you were there for me no matter what. You watched out for the people I couldn't watch out for anymore. You bought me a phone and paid the bill. You never lost sight of the fact that while I was somewhat crippled (literally and figuratively) by everything that I was still me and still capable. You understood when I struggled and challenged me (so carefully) to overcome and not just give in. (Often by shamelessly using your adorable daughter to get me to do things for my own good.) You coaxed me outside into the fresh air and coaxed me into being a better me. And you were always willing to talk and to listen. And, as you ever have, you just understood. This post doesn't begin to scratch the surface of what you gave me during that time so maybe I'll just say...

Thank you for getting me,
Sam

Mine grew back...

Dear Jared,

As kids you never did like me messing with your stuff so when I got sick and you offered me full access to all your movies and video games so I could distract myself from feeling terrible, well, it just got me right in the feels, you know? Then I went to eat lunch one day and a bunch of my hair drifted onto my pasta and I demanded my head get shaved right then and there; and you were totally there for me, razor in hand. I started out a little scared but by the time I was bald you had me laughing. And I don't think there is another person in the world who could have given me that. Being bald was difficult at times but I was surprisingly okay with it and I think that started with this moment, and with you. Also, I've decided to be flattered about being mistaken for you so often when I was bald (I'm looking at you, Dad.)

Thank you, brother, for your generosity, your care and consideration, for marrying Katie, and for making this memory sweet instead of bitter. Thank you for giving me your sweatshirt that zipped so I didn't have to pull mine over my head after my surgery. And a special thank you for your exemplary baldness over the years...

With bodies like ours, who needs hair?
Sam

When you're down and troubled...

My beloved brothers and sisters, I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. “[N]or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man [or woman or child] upon the face thereof to be saved.”

~Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Dear Friend,

You came to my first CAT scan and sat waiting in the bad news room with me. A week later you took me to the emergency room and called my parents. You fielded phone calls and cancelled my plans for me. You came to the hospital and then you came to Idaho. When I found myself suddenly cut off from my life you called me every day to keep me in the loop and remind me that at least one part of my life was still waiting for me. You came to visit me. You were scared for me and you were strong for me. You fielded all the questions and kept everyone updated so that I didn't have to. You knew all the nothingness was driving me crazy so you sent me a textbook-Which was unspeakably awesome. When I realized that I had to get back to my life or go crazy it was you that made that possible. You played hooky from work in order to welcome me home. You cooked for me and cleaned for me and drove me around and scraped my car windows for me. You opened countless doors for me. You joked with me and got indignant for me. You walked with me. You shaved my head and encouraged me in my journey from hats to scarves to rocking the bald. Then taught me how to style my short hair. You dealt with my headaches and weakness and pain and maybe the most difficult thing you did (in your opinion) was hand me scissors that one time I was bandaging my wound. You made me laugh and held me while I cried and then made me laugh again. You suffered all of my set-backs with me and you just kept going. And then I got better and we celebrated all of my milestones together.

And then my cancer came back. And you did it all again, only more so. More emergency rooms and surgeries and listening and meals. You were more aware, and available, and encouraging, and long-suffering, and compassionate, and validating, and patient, and funny, and kind, and loving.You were there for it all. And maybe all of this makes it sound like you were perfect in your service and I was perfect in my trial but we both know that we definitely were not. And I think that is what makes it all so meaningful, and valuable, and miraculous. Because it was so incredibly hard, and you did it anyway.

I will never forget,
Sam